Aaishah (R.A.A.) said: I heard the Prophet (S.A.W.) saying: Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.
There was a time, long ago, when souls drifted amongst one another. Discussing the future perhaps, in anticipation of what was to come. Pulled from the backbone of their father, Adam (A.S.), each one was asked by their Creator Allah; “Am I not your Lord?”. All souls affirmed this mighty word, and so a covenant was embedded deeply within the soil of their nature, never to be erased.
A predestined undertaking to come- an earthy journey of sorts. At birth with memories so distant, emerges a small body carrying a seed to be watered. Souls, some familiar from once upon a time, may precipitate the pouring. The Will of Al-Jabbar shall be accomplished. His presence will be completely recognized and His aid shall be sought, as the rain pours.
Whom shall make the journey back to their Lord? All.
Whom shall Allah show the straight path whether he is grateful or not? All.
And whom shall Allah Will to be guided? Whomsoever He wills.
And Allah is Al Alim, The All Knowing. He knows best about each and everyone of His slaves...
“And of the people are some who say, “We believe in Allah,” but when one [of them] is harmed for [the cause of] Allah, they consider the trial of the people as [if it were] the punishment of Allah . But if victory comes from your Lord, they say, “Indeed, We were with you.” Is not Allah most knowing of what is within the breasts of all creatures?”
All praises and thanks are due to Allah, The Exalted One. The Giver of Life and the Author of Death. From Whom we all came- and to Whom we shall all indeed return. We thank Allah on every occasion…
At present, there is an estimated 7.7 billion people living here on earth. Many of us reside in dwellings where people of much former times lived. Some of their remains are part of the unseen or, Ghaib, for us, though we spend our days treading upon them, often without taking a lesson. From their ancient ruins, mankind can hear not a sound, we couldn’t bear the wails if we were permitted. What is to be greatly understood is – their time for deeds has past and we, the people of the present, are given many presents each and everyday to help us water the seeds in our chests which can lead way to the splitting, then the illumination on the divine reason we were created, and that is; to get to know our Lord Allah, and worship Him in the ways that are most fitting to His Majesty.
We underestimate our gifts just as the healthy tend to take their well-being for granted. Until dis-ease interrupts normal bodily processes and one becomes forced to deal with consequences often in a manner of haste.
We are all on a journey back to Allah, The Most High. Out of His Wisdom and Compassion, He guides us all along the way. We can find His Ayat (signs) all around us- if we just take heed. The signs most often overlooked of those in abundance right around us: the people.
Allah in His infinite wisdom created us–the way we look, our personality traits, overall disposition, etc. He also chose our family members, their looks, personality traits, overall disposition etc. He chose every experience He knew we would choose to have, who we would choose to have them with, and the ultimate outcome.
Look around–everyone, your family, friends, the stranger beside you, your neighbor–theses souls were all chosen, along with you, to be a member of this present generation. Moreover, they were chosen to be a part of your experience and you a part of theirs. Our perception and ultimately our actions are opportunities for us to get to know ourselves more, and give life to our faith. These souls are presents given to us by The Most High, Allah, to worship Him in everything we do and say.
Some souls are very easy to deal with. We like them and they like us. They feed our Iman in a way that we know is divine, they help us grow by offering us good advice, and the love between us is true. These are very rare but precious bonds which we should treasure, take great care of just as a gardener tends to his garden. Most of all, we should thank Allah for righteous companionship always.
Everything was created in pairs and so, sometimes, the opposite occurs. There are times we are presented with souls whom we just naturally repel. Perhaps we knew them form a time when we were all incorporeal-and we didn’t like them then and we don’t like them now, Allahu Alim. Interactions with these souls are strained, to say the least. The natural inclination is often to get as far away from these people as possible. However, sometimes this may not be achievable. This soul could have rights over you–they could be your parent, sibling, boss at work, or even your spouse or child. Or, they could be someone not so near such as your co-worker, neighbor, or just the person checking you out in the grocery store.
But either way, they are there…in your present as your present. And so, the trial begins. It is important to remember in these very testy situations that; every emotion and every action comes up for healing. The question is…what are you learning? You must remember that you may not ascribe perfection to yourself, as you are no rival to Allah. Nor can you ascribe perfection to them as they are no rival to Allah. You cannot control their behavior or perceptions, only yours, and you must be fully accountable for your actions despite them being accountable for theirs. You must act with patience and bear harms for Allah’s sake. You must ask Allah constantly to forgive you and them and these things are only made easy for those whom Allah, The Most High, has made it easy for. May He grant us all Tawfeeq. Ameen.
In everything there is good for the believer. Those souls whom we repel the most, can teach us some of the most profound lessons about ourselves and they often also present us with a beautiful opportunity to condition our own hearts.
“Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient.”
Oftentimes, we look at the difficult behaviors of people and want to respond in-kind. However, doing so is not best for us and our relationship with Allah;
Hudhaifah (R.A.A.) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:”Do not let yourselves be ‘yes-men’, saying: ‘If the people are good then we will be good, and if they are wrong then we will be wrong.’Rather, make up your own minds, if the people are good then you are good, and if they are evil, then do not behave unjustly.” (Hasan)
( Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2007)
As believers, we must use every opportunity to implement guidance that Allah, The Exalted has given to us in The Qur’an. These people, all people, are presents from Allah. They are opportunities for us to work for the Paradise that He has promised the believers. When dealing with the people, especially, the difficult ones–here is some divine guidance from The Word of Our Lord, Allah, The Exalted:
“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].”
“O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.“
“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm for Allah, witnesses in justice, and do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.”
“And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”
On Nifaq (Hypocrisy), The Two-Faced Person, Taking Disbelievers as Friends, Women & Spiritual Deficiencies During Menses, Shirk
Allah, the Most High, said:
إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ
“Except him who comes to Allah with a clean heart [clean from Shirk (polytheism) and Nifaq (hypocrisy)].”
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about this ayah:
(The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail,) means, a man’s wealth will not protect him from the punishment of Allah, even if he were to pay a ransom equivalent to an earthful of gold. (nor sons) means, `or if you were to pay a ransom of all the people on earth.’ On that Day nothing will be of any avail except faith in Allah and sincere devotion to Him, and renunciation of Shirk and its people. Allah says: (Except him who brings to Allah a clean heart.) meaning, free from any impurity or Shirk.
Ibn Sirin said, “The clean heart knows that Allah is true, that the Hour will undoubtedly come and that Allah will resurrect those who are in the graves.” Sa`id bin Al-Musayyib said, “The clean heart is the sound heart.” This is the heart of the believer, for the heart of the disbeliever and the hypocrite is sick. Allah says: (In their hearts is a disease) (2:10).
Abu `Uthman An-Nisaburi said, “It is the heart that is free from innovation and is content with the Sunnah.”
(Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
It is imperative for the believer to understand that Allah (S.W.T.) will hold us accountable for what we have held in our hearts as Allah (S.W.T.), The Most Near has told us:
Say, “Whether you conceal what is in your breasts or reveal it, Allah knows it. And He knows that which is in the heavens and that which is on the earth. And Allah is over all things competent.
In order to properly address the matters of the heart, we must identify the characteristics of dis-ease. Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) has left us with much guidance, by the permission of Allah (S.W.T.) in the matters of hypocrisy, of which we will discuss below.
Hypocrisy is of two types;
Hypocrisy in Belief.
Hypocrisy in deeds and actions.
Hypocrisy in Belief:
There are six aspects of hypocrisy in Belief:
To deny the Messenger (Muhammad, S.A.W.)
To deny some of all that was brought by the Messenger (Muhammad, S.A.W.) (e.g. the Qur’an, the Sunnah, laws and principles of Islam).
To hate the Messenger (Muhammad, S.A.W.).
To hate some of that which was brought by the Messenger (Muhammad, S.A.W.) e.g. Islamic Monotheism, etc.
To feel happy at the disgrace of or the set-back for the religion of Allah’s Messenger (Muhammad, S.A.W.).
To dislike that the religion of Allah’s Messenger (Islamic Monotheism) becomes victorious (not being pleased at the victory of Islam).
A person having these six types (of hypocrisy) will be in the lowest depths (grade) of the Fire (Hell). (Qur’an 4:145)
Hypocrisy in deeds and actions:
There are five aspects of hypocrisy in deeds and actions, and their proof is from the statement of Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W.):
Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie.
Whenever he promises, he always breaks it (his promise).
If you trust him, he proves to be dishonest (if you keep something as a trust with him, he will not return it.)
(And in another narration of the Prophet, S.A.W.) Whenever he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent, evil, insulting manner.
Whenever he makes a covenant, he proves himself treacherous.
(Noble Qur’an, Appendix II)
This is like the hadith:
It is narrated on the authority of Abdullah b. ‘Amr (R.A.A.) that the Prophet observed: “There are four characteristics, whoever has them all is a pure hypocrite, and whoever has one of its characteristics, he has one of the characteristics of hypocrisy, until he gives it up: When he speaks he lies, when he makes a covenant he betrays it, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he disputes he resorts to obscene speech.” In the narration of Sufyan (one of the narrators) it is: “And if he has one of them, he has one of the characteristics of hypocrisy.”
(Sahih Muslim, 116)
There are two types of hypocrites whom are spoken about in the Qur’an;
The complete hypocrite; and
The hesitant hypocrite (those who have some forms of hypocrisy.
(Tafsir Ibn Kathir 2:20)
The complete hypocrite has all of the characteristics of hypocrisy and has indisputable malice intent. The hesitant hypocrite is like the one mentioned in the following hadith;
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (R.A.A.) that: The Messenger of Allah [SAW] said: “The parable of the hypocrite is that of a sheep that hesitates between two flocks, sometimes following one, and sometimes following another, not knowing which to follow.” (Sahih)
(Sunan an-Nasa’i 5037)
Hypocrites are in a deep state of confusion and are persuaded easily by fear, large numbers, and material possessions.
In their hearts is a disease, so Allah has increased their disease; and for them is a painful punishment because they [habitually] used to lie. And when it is said to them, “Do not cause corruption on the earth,” they say, “We are but reformers.” Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not.
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about these ayat:
As-Suddi narrated from Abu Malik and (also) from Abu Salih, from Ibn `Abbas, and (also) Murrah Al-Hamdani from Ibn Mas`ud and other Companions that this Ayah,
﴿فِى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّرَضٌ﴾
(In their hearts is a disease) means, `doubt’, and,
﴿فَزَادَهُمُ اللَّهُ مَرَضًا﴾
(And Allah has increased their disease) also means `doubt’. Mujahid, `Ikrimah, Al-Hasan Al-Basri, Abu Al-`Aliyah, Ar-Rabi` bin Anas and Qatadah also said similarly. `Abdur-Rahman bin Zayd bin Aslam commented on,
﴿فِى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّرَضٌ﴾
(In their hearts is a disease), “A disease in the religion, not a physical disease. They are the hypocrites and the disease is the doubt that they brought to Islam.
﴿فَزَادَهُمُ اللَّهُ مَرَضًا﴾
(And Allah has increased their disease) meaning, increased them in shameful behavior.” He also recited,
(As for those who believe, it has increased their faith, and they rejoice. But as for those in whose hearts is a disease, it will add disgrace to their disgrace.) (9:124-125) and commented, “Evil to their evil and deviation to their deviation.” This statement by `Abdur-Rahman is true, and it constitutes a punishment that is compatible to the sin, just as the earlier scholars stated. Similarly, Allah said,
(While as for those who accept guidance, He increases their guidance and grants them their piety) (47:17).
Allah said next,
﴿بِمَا كَانُواْ يَكْذِبُونَ﴾
(Because they used to tell lies). The hypocrites have two characteristics, they lie and they deny the Unseen.
The scholars who stated that the Prophet knew the hypocrites of his time have only the Hadith of Hudhayfah bin Al-Yaman as evidence. In it the Prophet gave him the names of fourteen hypocrites during the battle of Tabuk. These hypocrites plotted to assassinate the Prophet during the night on a hill in that area. They planned to excite the Prophet’s camel, so that she would throw him down the hill. Allah informed the Prophet about their plot, and the Prophet told Hudhayfah their names.
As for the other hypocrites, Allah said about them,
(If the hypocrites, and those in whose hearts is a disease, and those who spread false news among the people in Al-Madinah do not cease, We shall certainly let you overpower them, then they will not be able to stay in it as your neighbors but a little while. Accursed, they shall be seized wherever found, and killed with a (terrible) slaughter) (33:60-61).
These Ayat prove that the Prophet was not informed about each and everyone among the hypocrites of his time. Rather, the Prophet was only informed about their characteristics, and he used to assume that some people possessed these characteristics. Similarly, Allah said,
(Had We willed, We could have shown them to you, and you should have known them by their marks; but surely, you will know them by the tone of their speech!) (47:30).
The most notorious hypocrite at that time was `Abdullah bin Ubayy bin Salul; Zayd bin Arqam – the Companion – gave truthful testimony to that effect. In addition, `Umar bin Al-Khattab once mentioned the matter of Ibn Salul to the Prophet , who said,
(And when it is said to them: “Do not make mischief on the earth,”), means, “Do not commit acts of disobedience on the earth. Their mischief is disobeying Allah, because whoever disobeys Allah on the earth, or commands that Allah be disobeyed, he has committed mischief on the earth. Peace on both the earth and in the heavens is ensured (and earned) through obedience (to Allah).” Ar-Rabi` bin Anas and Qatadah said similarly.
Ibn Jarir said, “The hypocrites commit mischief on earth by disobeying their Lord on it and continuing in the prohibited acts. They also abandon what Allah made obligatory and doubt His religion, even though He does not accept a deed from anyone except with faith in His religion and certainty of its truth. The hypocrites also lie to the believers by saying contrary to the doubt and hesitation their hearts harbor. They give as much aid as they can, against Allah’s loyal friends, and support those who deny Allah, His Books and His Messengers. This is how the hypocrites commit mischief on earth, while thinking that they are doing righteous work on earth.”
The statement by Ibn Jarir is true, taking the disbelievers as friends is one of the categories of mischief on the earth. Allah said,
(And those who disbelieve are allies of one another, if you do not do this (help each other), there will be turmoil and oppression on the earth, and great mischief.) (8:73), In this way Allah severed the loyalty between the believers and the disbelievers. Similarly, Allah said,
(Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth of the Fire; no helper will you find for them) (4:145).
Since the outward appearance of the hypocrite displays belief, he confuses the true believers. Hence, the deceitful behavior of the hypocrites is an act of mischief, because they deceive the believers by claiming what they do not believe in, and because they give support and loyalty to the disbelievers against the believers.
If the hypocrite remains a disbeliever (rather than pretending to be Muslim), the evil that results from him would be less. Even better, if the hypocrite becomes sincere with Allah and makes the statements that he utters conform to his deeds, he will gain success. Allah said,
(And when it is said to them: “Do not make mischief on the earth,” they say: “We are only peacemakers.”) meaning, “We seek to be friends with both parties, the believers and the disbelievers, and to have peace with both parties.” Similarly, Muhammad bin Ishaq reported that Ibn `Abbas said,
(Verily, they are the ones who make mischief, but they perceive not.). This Ayah means that the hypocrites’ behavior, and their claim that it is for peace, is itself mischief, although in their ignorance, they do not see it to be mischief.
No Muslim should feel safe from falling into hypocrisy (May Allah protect us from that). In fact, many of the Sahaba, May Allah (SWT) be pleased with them all, used to fear falling into hypocrisy as Ibn Abī Mulaykah – Allah have mercy on him – said:
I met thirty of the Prophet’s Companions – Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him – and every one of them feared falling into nifāq (hypocrisy); not one of them claimed he had the level of faith of Jibrīl or Mīkā`īl.
(Quoted by Al-Bukhārī)
Beneficial Hadith on Hypocrisy:
Abu Musa al-Ash’ari (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
A believer who recites the Qur’an is like an orange whose fragrance is sweet and whose taste is sweet; a believer who does not recite the Qur’an is like a date which has no fragrance but has a sweet taste; and the hypocrite who recites the Qur’an is like a basil whose fragrance is sweet, but whose taste is bitter; and a hypocrite who does not recite the Qur’an is like the colocynth which has no fragrance and has a bitter taste.
(Sahih Muslim, 797)
Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:
The Similitude of a believer is that of (a standing) crop which the air continues to toss from one side to another; in the same way a believer always (receives the strokes) of misfortune. The similitude of a hypocrite is that of a cypress tree which does not move until it is uprooted.
(Sahih Muslim, 2809)
Narrated Ka`b (R.A.A.): The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The example of a believer is that of a fresh tender plant, which the wind bends lt sometimes and some other time it makes it straight. And the example of a hypocrite is that of a pine tree which keeps straight till once it is uprooted suddenly.
(Sahih al-Bukhari 5643)
Salam ibn Miskin, quoting an old man who witnessed AbuWa’il in a wedding feast, said: They began to play, amuse and sing. He united the support of his hand round his knees that were drawn up, and said: I heard Abdullah (ibn Mas’ud) say: I heard the apostle of Allah (ﷺ) say: Singing produces hypocrisy in the heart. (Da’if)
(Sunan Abi Dawud 4927)
A Note to The Women: Beware of Yourself During Your Menses!
Hormonal imbalances in the body have a significant impact on women especially during the time of their menses. It is at these times that we women must ever cautious about our actions, the rights of others, and the state of our hearts.
It is narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah b. Umar (R.A.A.) that the Messenger of Allah observed: O womenfolk, you should give charity and ask much forgiveness for I saw you in bulk amongst the dwellers of Hell. A wise lady among them said: Why is it, Messenger of Allah, that our folk is in bulk in Hell? Upon this the Prophet observed: You curse too much and are ungrateful to your spouses. I have seen none lacking in common sense and failing in religion but (at the same time) robbing the wisdom of the wise, besides you. Upon this the woman remarked: What is wrong with our common sense and with religion? He (the Holy Prophet) observed: Your lack of common sense (can be well judged from the fact) that the evidence of two women is equal to one man, that is a proof of the lack of common sense, and you spend some nights (and days) in which you do not offer prayer and in the month of Ramadan (during the days) you do not observe fast, that is a failing in religion.
(Sahih Muslim, 79)
Many women feel strong emotions before, during, and periods after their menses and giving birth. It is our fluctuating emotional state that may cause us to become hasty in decision making, breaking covenants, ill-manners, and intentionally and unintentionally forgetful the promises and rights due to others. How many women curse their families, stop serving their husbands, ask for divorce, make hasty duaas against their children due to high emotion and lack of common sense! May Allah (S.W.T.) forgive us and protect us from that, Allahumma Ameen.
During these times it is important to remember Allah (S.W.T.) much, constantly turn to Him in repentance, and practice good self care which includes seeking aid from your believing companions.
And do not be like she who untwisted her spun thread after it was strong [by] taking your oaths as [means of] deceit between you because one community is more plentiful [in number or wealth] than another community. Allah only tries you thereby. And He will surely make clear to you on the Day of Resurrection that over which you used to differ.
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir regarding this ayah:
(And do not be like the one who undoes the thread which she has spun, after it has become strong,) `Abdullah bin Kathir and As-Suddi said: “This was a foolish woman in Makkah. Everytime she spun thread and made it strong, she would undo it again.” Mujahid, Qatadah and Ibn Zayd said: “This is like the one who breaks a covenant after confirming it.” This view is more correct and more apparent, whether or not there was a woman in Makkah who undid her thread after spinning it. The word Ankathan could be referring back to the word translated as “undoes”, reinforcing the meaning, or it could be the predicate of the verb “to be”, meaning, do not be Ankathan, the plural of Nakth (breach, violation), from the word Nakith (perfidious). Hence after this, Allah says:
﴿تَتَّخِذُونَ أَيْمَـنَكُمْ دَخَلاً بَيْنَكُمْ﴾
(by taking your oaths as a means of deception among yourselves) meaning for the purposes of cheating and tricking one another.
(Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
Don’t be mistaken the male and female hypocrites are as bad as one another as Allah (S.W.T) tells us in the Qur’an;
“The men and women of the hypocrites are as bad as one another, they command what is wrong and forbid what is right and keep their fists tightly closed. They have forgotten Allah and He has forgotten them. The hypocrites are deviators.”
I mention the women in this section as we must realize that our role in the family is detrimental to its success or failure. Even if we are not fully awakened to our high status within the family and society as a whole those around us–those who depend on us certainly do. As Muslim women, those around us expect much from our role as Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Companion, and so on. This can seem lopsided due to the fact we may need to give rights more than we are receiving our own however, we must not become overwhelmed and lose patience as our reward is with Allah (S.W.T.).
Failing in our promises and covenants has the ability to hinder people from the path of Islam as Allah (S.W.T.) says in the Holy Qur’an;
And do not take your oaths as [means of] deceit between you, lest a foot slip after it was [once] firm, and you would taste evil [in this world] for what [people] you diverted from the way of Allah, and you would have [in the Hereafter] a great punishment.
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir regarding this ayah:
Then Allah warns His servant against taking oaths as means of deception, i.e., using them for treacherous purposes, lest a foot should slip after being firmly planted. This is an analogy describing one who was on the right path but then deviated and slipped from the path of guidance because of an unfulfilled oath that involved hindering people from the path of Allah. This is because if a disbeliever were to find that after having agreed to a covenant, then the believer betrayed him, then the believer will have hindered him from entering Islam. Thus Allah says:
(and you taste the evil of having hindered from the path of Allah, and you will suffer a terrible punishment.)
(Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
It is unfortunate that many of us Muslims mask two-faced behaviors behind the guise of “seeking nisiyah” about family matters. Intimate Sister gatherings (instead of being uplifting and dedicated to striving to become closer to Allah (S.W.T.)) are sometimes so full with low vibratory energy derived from backbiting those closest to us–our Husbands and Children. We must remember to always complain to Allah (S.W.T.) to protect our hearts from this type of dis-ease.
Narrated Abu Huraira (R.A.A.): Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “You see that the people are of different natures. Those who were the best in the pre-lslamic period, are also the best in Islam if they comprehend religious knowledge. You see that the best amongst the people in this respect (i.e. ambition of ruling) are those who hate it most. And you see that the worst among people is the double faced (person) who appears to these with one face and to the others with another face (i.e a hypocrite).
(Sahih al-Bukhari 3493, 3494)
Allah (S.W.T.) tells us in the Qur’an Prophet Ya’qub’s words when he was faced with trials;
“He said: “I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not.”
We have promises from Allah that the reward for good is good. So we must strive to be upright, even when face injustice–we must know with surety that our reward is with Allah (S.W.T.).
However, there will be times that we need good Islamic advice. We must choose a trustworthy person who is grounded in knowledge to assist us in our affairs.
Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Do you know what is backbiting? They (the Companions) said: Allah and His Messenger know best. Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like. It was said to him: What is your opinion about this that if I actually find (that failing) in my brother which I made a mention of? He said: If (that failing) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you in fact backbited him, and if that is not in him it is a slander.
(Sahih Muslim, 6265)
Beneficial practices during menses:
Understand your menses indications (PMS). For many sisters, menses symptoms start as soon as a week before the actual show of blood. These symptoms range in severity and may include; fluctuating emotions, racing thoughts, irritability, and poor eating habits.
To combat the spiritual weakness during these times we must be constant in reciting Qur’an as the scholars agree that this is permissible to do during menses. Stay connected to the salat schedule by sitting during the times of prayers for Dhkir. Be sure to eat well and take calming herbs like chamomile and lavender when needed. Other good habits include staying hydrated, and performing Ruqya on yourself as Shaytan’s waswas may be high during for some during these times.
Also, inform those who are closest to you about how your menses affect you. Trials (when we look at them as opportunities to grow), can open up the doorway to honest communication with those who are closest to you. Share your struggles and ask for help from everyone during this time. It is important for everyone to understand that when a woman is on her menses, she is Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, and Mentally sick. Kind treatment, help with household duties, and duaa are all things that can benefit her during these times. Remember, we are the Party of Allah and it is our duty to help one another when we are weak. May Allah (S.W.T.) help all the families and increase them in righteousness. Ameen.
Beneficial Hadith to ponder…
Al-Harith Al-Ash`ari (R.A.A.) narrated that the Prophet of Allah said; Allah commanded Yahya bin Zakariya to implement five commands and to order the Children of Israel to implement them, but Yahya was slow in carrying out these commands. `Isa said to Yahya, `You were ordered to implement five commands and to order the Children of Israel to implement them. So either order, or I will do it.’ Yahya said, ‘My brother! I fear that if you do it before me, I will be punished or the earth will be shaken under my feet.’ Hence, Yahya bin Zakariya called the Children of Israel to Bayt Al-Maqdis (Jerusalem), until they filled the Masjid. He sat on the balcony, thanked Allah and praised him and then said, `Allah ordered me to implement five commandments and that I should order you to adhere to them. The first is that you worship Allah alone and not associate any with Him. The example of this command is the example of a man who bought a servant from his money with paper or gold. The servant started to work for the master, but was paying the profits to another person. Who among you would like his servant to do that Allah created you and sustains you. Therefore, worship Him alone and do not associate anything with Him. I also command you to pray, for Allah directs His Face towards His servant’s face, as long as the servant does not turn away. So when you pray, do not turn your heads to and fro. I also command you to fast. The example of it is the example of a man in a group of men and he has some musk wrapped in a piece of cloth, and consequently, all of the group smells the scent of the wrapped musk. Verily, the odor of the mouth of a fasting person is better before Allah than the scent of musk. I also command you to give charity. The example of this is the example of a man who was captured by the enemy. They tied his hands to his neck and brought him forth to cut off his neck. He said to them, ‘Can I pay a ransom for myself’ He kept ransoming himself with small and large amounts until he liberated himself. I also command you to always remember Allah. The example of this deed is that of a man who the enemy is tirelessly pursuing. He takes refuge in a fortified fort. When the servant remembers Allah, he will be resorting to the best refuge from Satan.)
Al-Harith then narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,
(And I order you with five commandments that Allah has ordered me. Stick to the Jama`ah (community of the faithful), listen and obey (your leaders) and perform Hijrah (migration) and Jihad for the sake of Allah. Whoever abandons the Jama`ah, even the distance of a hand span, will have removed the tie of Islam from his neck, unless he returns. Whoever uses the slogans of Jahiliyah (the pre-Islamic period of ignorance) he will be among those kneeling in Jahannam (Hellfire).) They said, “O Messenger of Allah! Even if he prays and fasts” He said, (Even if he prays, fasts and claims to be Muslim. So call the Muslims with their names that Allah has called them: `The Muslims, the believing servants of Allah.’) (Hasan)
(Musnad Imam Ahmad)
Thawbaan (R.A.A.) narrated that The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”. (Sahih)
(Sunan Abu Da’ud, 2226)
Thawban (R.A.A.) narrated that: The Prophet said: “The women who seek a Khul are hypocrites.” (Sahih)
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi, 1186)
Uprooting Nifaq (Hypocrisy) From the Heart Beneficial Recommendations from The Qur’an & Sunnah
“Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest dept (grade) of Fire; no helper will you find for them. Except those who repent (from hypocrisy), do righteous good deeds, hold fast to Allah, and purify their religion for Allah (by worshiping none but Allah, and do good for Allah’s sake only, not to show off), ten they will be with the believers. And Allah will grant the believers a great reward. Why should Allah punish you if you have thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And Allah is Ever All-Appreciative (of good), All-Knowing. (4:145-147)
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”(39:53)
“And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (i.e. death).”(15:99)
“Those [angels] who carry the Throne and those around it exalt [ Allah ] with praise of their Lord and believe in Him and ask forgiveness for those who have believed, [saying], “Our Lord, You have encompassed all things in mercy and knowledge, so forgive those who have repented and followed Your way and protect them from the punishment of Hellfire.”(40:7)
Beneficial Duaas: Abu Hurairah (R.A.A.) said: “The Messenger of Allah [SAW] used to say in his supplication: ‘Allahumma inni a’udhu bika minash-shiqaqi wan-nifaqi, wa suw’il-akhlaq (O Allah, I seek refuge with You from opposing the truth, hypocrisy and bad manners.)'” (Da’if)
“(The dwellers of Paradise will say) Are we then not to die (any more)?Except our first death, and we shall not be punished? (after we have entered Paradise). Truly, this is the supreme success! For the like of this let the workers work.”(37:58-61)
Abu Barza al-Aslami (R.A.A.) said, “I said, ‘Messenger of Allah, show me an action by which I will enter the Garden!” He said, ‘Remove harmful things from people’s path.'” (Sahih)(Al-Albani, 228)
Anas bin Malik (R.A.A.) narrated that: Allah’s Messenger said: “Whoever performs Salat for Allah for forty days in congregation, catching the first Takbir, two absolution’s are written for him: absolution from the Fire, and absolution from the Fire, and absolution from hypocrisy.” (Da’if) (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 241)
Ibn ‘Umar and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with them) reported:We heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying (while delivering Khutbah on his wooden pulpit), “Either some people (i.e., hypocrites) stop neglecting the Friday prayers, or Allah will seal their hearts and they will be among the heedless.” (Muslim, 160)
Narrated Abu Huraira (R.A.A.):The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “No prayer is heavier upon the hypocrites than the Fajr and the `Isha’ prayers and if they knew what is in them (in reward), they would have attended them, even if (it was) crawling. Certainly, I felt the urge to order the Mu’adh-dhin (call-maker) so that he would pronounce Iqama, then order a man to lead the people (in prayer), then take a flame of fire so that I burn (the houses) upon those who had not left for the prayer yet.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 657)
In Part 2 we will discuss Shirk and its forms In shaa Allah.
“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah’s) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)”.
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about this ayah:
Allah addresses His Messenger and reminds him and the believers of the favor that He has made his heart and words soft for his Ummah, those who follow his command and refrain from what he prohibits.
(And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) ﴿3:159﴾. meaning, who would have made you this kind, if it was not Allah’s mercy for you and them. Qatadah said that, (And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) means, “With Allah’s mercy you became this kind.” Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that this, indeed, is the description of the behavior that Allah sent Muhammad with. This Ayah is similar to Allah’s statement, (Verily, there has come unto you a Messenger from among yourselves. It grieves him that you should receive any injury or difficulty. He is anxious over you (to be rightly guided, to repent to Allah); for the believers (he is) full of pity, kind, and merciful) ﴿9:128﴾. Allah said next, (And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you;)
The severe person is he who utters harsh words, and, (harsh-hearted) is the person whose heart is hard. Had this been the Prophet’s behavior, “They would have scattered from around you. However, Allah gathered them and made you kind and soft with them, so that their hearts congregate around you.” `Abdullah bin `Amr said that he read the description of the Messenger of Allah in previous Books, “He is not severe, harsh, obscene in the marketplace or dealing evil for evil. Rather, he forgives and pardons.”
(Tafsir Ibn Khathir)
It is important to note that this ayat was revealed whilst Prophet Muhamad (S.A.W.) was leading the battle of Uhud. As you have read in the ayah, he (Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.) was instructed to deal gently with the believers (those who had followed him and as a consequence) who had committed themselves to wage war against the enemies of Islam amongst the Alamin (mankind and jinn and all that exists). The Prophet (S.A.W.) was further instructed by Almighty Allah (S.W.T.) to seek the advice of those believers in the matters of their present affair (war) as their lives (although devoted to Allah) could be affected in a mighty way (i.e., capture, injury, death, etc.).
Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about this ayah cont…
Concerning the battle of Uhud, the Messenger asked the Companions if they should fortify themselves in Al-Madinah or go out to meet the enemy, and the majority of them requested that they go out to meet the enemy, and he did. He also took their advice on the day of Khandaq (the Trench) about conducting a peace treaty with some of the tribes of Al-Ahzab (the Confederates), in return for giving them one-third of the fruits of Al-Madinah. However, Sa`d bin `Ubadah and Sa`d bin Mu`adh rejected this offer and the Prophet went ahead with their advice. The Prophet also asked them if they should attack the idolators on the Day of Hudaybiyyah, and Abu Bakr disagreed, saying, “We did not come here to fight anyone. Rather, we came to perform `Umrah.” The Prophet agreed.
Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A.) said that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said: The one whom advice is sought from is to be entrusted.
(Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi, and An-Nasa’i who graded it Hasan)
(Tafsir Ibn Khathir)
From all of the abovementioned, we see the responsibility that the leaders and rulers have to those who follow them. On a macro level–this responsibility of gentleness (by Allah ((SWT) permission) and mutual consultation is due from government officials who have been placed in charge of constituents. On a micro level, this trust is placed upon the leaders of the family unit starting with the Husband (Father) and downward. The latter–the family unit–is a small brigade in the larger army of Allah. An army consisting of strong individual units place makes for a united and more effective Ummah. The following hadith shall address the family unit and how to fortify the structure to win the battle against our collective enemy–Shaytan.
Abdullah ibn Umar (R.A.A) reported: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
(Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829)
When a child is born, they are born into a family unit. Some traditional having a Father and Mother who are married and some non-traditional as in the case of orphans etc. The state of affairs within this unit is imparative to affecting the childs Islam or lack thereof as is stated in the following hadith;
Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z Zinad from al−Araj from Abu Hurayra(R.A.A.) that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Every child is born on the fitra and it is his parents who make him a jew or a christian. Just as a camel is born whole −do you perceive any defect?” They said, “Messenger of Allah, what happens to people who die when they are (very) young?” He said, “Allah knows best what they used to do.”
(Muwatta Imam Malik, 16.16.53)
Destruction of the family unit is a lofty goal of the Shayteen as we can see in the following hadith:
Jabir (R.A.A.) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.”
(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 2813)
We as an Ummah must realize that we are under constant attack from our enemy. He is working day and night to penetrate our ranks and destroy us. Once we realize this we can (in shaa Allah) become more accountable for our actions and how they affect those who are in rank with us. May Allah grant us Tawfeeq to be successful in this matter. Allahumma Ameen.
The following hadith address the family unit and provides wisdom from our beloved Nabi, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) about how this unit should be maintained for an Islamic home environment:
Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah Husbands:
“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women).”
This is a role that carries heavy weight and should not be underestimated. Being a Husband is a trust placed on one by Allah and carries tremendous benefit as is noted in this hadith:
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (R.A.A.) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.”
The role of Husband is a trust from Allah (S.W.T.) and carries also tremendous consequences if abused. Brothers seeking striving wives should first be striving for righteousness themselves so that they may fear Allah (S.W.T.) in the duties they have been entrusted. It is important to be ready for marriage–Spiritually, Physically (including materially), Mentally, and Emotionally, before seeking a wife;
It was narrated that Abu Dharr (R.A.A.) said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, will you not appoint me (to a position of authority)? He struck me on the shoulder with his hand and said: “O Abu Dharr, you are weak and it is a trust, and on the Day of Resurrection it will be a source of humiliation and regret, except for the one who takes it and fulfils all obligations and does all duties required.”
Sulaiman bin ‘Amr bin Al-Ahwas (R.A.A.) said: “My father narrated to me that he witnessed the farewell Hajj with the Messenger of Allah: So he thanked and praised Allah and he reminded and gave admonition. He mentioned a story in his narration and he (the Prophet ) said: “And indeed I order you to be good to the women, for they are but captives with you over whom you have no power other than that, except if they come with manifest Faizishah (evil behaviour). If they do that, then abandon their beds and beat them with a beating that is not harmful. And if they obey you then you have no cause against them. Indeed you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you. As for your rights over your women, then they must not allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture) nor to admit anyone in your home that you dislike. And their rights over you are that you treat them well in clothing them and feeding them.” (Sahih)
(Jami At-Tirmidhi, 1163)
Men have a responsibility to protect the spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional state of persons under their care, especially their wives. Remembering, that the wife is the second in command after him, it would be from wisdom for him to ensure that her moral in these fundamental areas are high so that she can pass that same energy to those under her (the children). The following hadith have been presented to serve as a reminder to the Husband to his role in his dealings with his second in command–His Wife:
Narrated Anas bin Malik (R.A.A)narrated thatAllah’s Messenger (ﷺ) was on a journey and he had a black slave called Anjasha, and he was driving the camels (very fast, and there were women riding on those camels). Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Waihaka (May Allah be merciful to you), O Anjasha! Drive slowly (the camels) with the glass vessels (women)!”
Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A) narratedthat the Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning.”
Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A) reported that The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part, so treat women kindly.”
(Al-Bukhari & Muslim)
Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Wives:
My dear sisters in Islam, one the hardest tasks (it seems) we have today lies in obeying our Husbands whilst attending to our family matters all while trying to maintain a strong relationship with Allah (SWT). Choosing a righteous Husband is one of the keys to our success in this matter. Assuming you have done so, by the permission of Allah, it is incumbent upon you to respect and obey him in all matters that do not involve disobedience to Allah as Allah (S.W.T.) says in the Qur’an:
“…So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.”
My dear sisters, as a consequence of the time in which we live in–a time that there are many available men from deviant sects of Islam, who are Muslim by name but Munafiqun and Kafiroon by Aqeedah and Non-Muslim men are a danger and a harm to one’s deen. As so, much care and appreciation needs to be given to our soldiers of Alhus Sunnah for Allah’s sake. Please keep in mind that as none of us are infallible, there may arise bad behaviors (such as characteristics of hypocrisy) within ourselves and the striving men of Ahus Sunnah. Patience, prayer, striving to improve our own relationships with Allah is key here as we are the female slaves of The Almighty and Sublime Allah (S.W.T.) his ‘Amah. We have a moral responsibility– Al- ‘Amanah to uphold our trusts for His sake and His alone. May Allah forgive us and grant us Tawfeeq to be successful, Allahumma Ameen.
Here are some hadiths that will (in shaa Allah) bring light to our moral responsibility to our Husbands;
Musawir Al Himyari (R.A.A.) narrated that his mother said thatshe heard Umm Salamah (R.A.A.) say: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) say: ‘Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’ ”
(Sunan Ibn Majah)
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A.) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.”
Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Children:
The All Hearing Allah (S.W.T.) reminds children in The Qur’an:
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.”
Children who take heed to parents advice remain goodly though their youth into adulthood have high rewards:
Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported: The Prophet (S.A.W.), peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but his. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet ,and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying ,’I fear Allah,’ one spends in charity and conceals it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.”
(Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 629)
It is important for children to understand that their role in the family unit is important. Children can be a source of blessing and trial for their parents and siblings. They can be blessings when they act righteously, are obedient, and dutiful to their parents as Allah (S.W.T.) has commanded in the Qur’an:
“Worship Allah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Maskin (the needy), the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful.”
Here are some beneficial hadith to serve as a reminder to the youth of the Ummah of their parents rights over them:
Mu’awiyah ibn Jahima (R.A.A.)reported: Jahima came to the Prophet (S.A.W.) and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, I intend to join the expedition and I seek your counsel.” The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”
(Sunan An Nasa’i, 3104)
Bahz bin Hakim (R.A.A.) narrated from his father, from his grandfather who said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! (S.A.W.) Who most deserves (my) reverence?’ He said: ‘Your mother.’” He said: “I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Your mother.’” He said: ‘I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Your mother.’ He said: ‘I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Then your father, then the nearest relatives, then the nearest relatives.’” (Hasan)
(Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, 1897)
Abu Salamah As-Sulami (R.A.A.) said that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “I enjoin each one to honor his mother, I enjoin each one to honor his mother, I enjoin each one to honor his mother (three times), I enjoin each one to honor his father, I enjoin each one to honor his guardian who is taking care of him, even if he is causing him some annoyance. (Hasan)
(Sunan Ibn Majah, 3657)
‘Abdur-Rahman bin Abi Bakrah (R.A.A.) narrated from his father who said: “The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) said: ‘Shall I not tell you of the biggest of the major sins?’ They said: ‘Of course! O Messenger of Allah!’ He said: “To join partners with Allah, and disobeying one’s parents.’” He said: “He (S.A.W) sat up, and he had been reclining. He said” ‘And false testimony, or false speech.’ And the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) would not stop saying it until we said (to ourselves): ‘I wish that he would stop.’” (Sahih)
(Jami At-Tirmidi, 1901)
Blessed Guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Parents:
If wives are like prisoners with the Husbands, imagine the level of imprisonment a child might feel. They are smaller, helpless, and new to dunya and all of its harms. As parents, we can sometimes get so busy in the matter of seeking provision that we may neglect the mental and emotional needs of the believers who follow us (our children). Allah (S.W.T.) tells us in the Qur’an:
“And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you. Then if they disobey you, say: “I am innocent of what you do.”
Here are some recommendations for the treatment of children under our care:
Always listen and decide justly between siblings as to eliminate / decrease enmity within the hearts.
Be affectionate, caring, and kind.
Consider their feelings and solicit their advice. The concept of “Buy-In” is the idea that soliciting advice in matters allows for all those involved (particularly those who are being led) to have a say in what happens and how. Just the mere act of them participating in decision making makes them “Buy-In” to the cause, whatever it may be and feel a sense of responsibility to be active in the process. Many children live under dictatorship rule and offer turn to negative ways to vent frustration. The Qur’an has given us a solution to overcome this by mutual consultation.
Look for “teachable moments”. Most parents know what it feels to be annoyed by their children. This is a very normal feeling. However, how we deal with this annoyance has the ability to raise our rank with Allah if we use these moments for Ibada. During these moments of annoyance with our children we can curb our anger by seeking refuge with Allah (SWT) and teaching our children the proper ways of behavior in a calm, loving voice. Our children will appreciate these moments to be understood and taught and (in shaa Allah) we may be counted amongst the good doers for our striving. Allahumma Ameen.
In shaa Allah these beneficial hadith will help us in addressing these ways in a way that will satisfy these needs which will in turn strengthen the soldiers of Allah who follow us:
Hazrat Abdullah ibn ‘Amr bin Al’Aas (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: The just and fair persons (rulers and judges) will be seated on chairs of light before Allah. Such persons are those who decide justly in matters relating to their families and other affairs entrusted to them.
It was narrated that ‘Aishah (R.A.A.) said: “Some Bedouin people came to the Prophet (S.A.W) and said: ‘Do you kiss your children?’ He said: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘But we, by Allah never kiss (our children).’ The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘What can I do if Allah has taken away mercy from you?” (Sahih)
(Sunan Ibn Majah, 3665)
Narrated Anas ibn Malik (R.A.A.) I served the Prophet (S.A.W.) at Medina for ten years. I was a boy. Every work that I did was not according to the desire of my
master, but he never said to me: Fie, nor did he say to me: Why did you do this? or Why did you not do this?
(Sunan Abu Dawud, 4756)
Aisha (R.A.A.) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, never struck anything with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, unless he was fighting in the way of Allah. (Sahih)
(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2328)
Hazrat Ayesha (R.A.A.) relates that she heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) while staying in her house saying: O Allah! When a person who is placed in authority over my Umma (people) is strict with them, be Thou strict with him, and when such a person is kind on them, be Thou kind on him.’
Hazrat Ibn Abbas (R.A.A.) says that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W) said to Ashajj Abd al-Qais: ‘You have two qualities which Allah, the Most Exalted, likes and loves: One is mildness and the other is toleration”.
Blessed Guidance from The Qur’an & Sunnah to Siblings:
Siblings have a responsibility to ensure that they do their best to promote a loving environment at home by speaking kindly to one another and avoid fighting. We must remember that making peace between our brothers and sisters is what Allah, The All Wise, recommends. As The Sublime Allah (S.W.T.) says in The Qur’an;
“And if two parties or groups among the believers fall to fighting, then make peace between them both. But if one of them outrages against the other, then fight you (all) against the one which outrages till it complies with the Command of Allah. Then if it complies, then make reconciliation between them justly, and be equitable, Verily, Allah loves those who are equitable.
Hazrat Ayesha (R.A.A.) says that she heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) as saying: ‘A believer can achieve the position of one who regularly fasts during the day and spends the night in prayer, through his good manners.’
Ibn Abass (R.A.A.) narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said; do not argue with your brother, do not joke with him, and do not make a promise only not to fulfill it. (Da’if)
‘Aishah (R.A.A.) narrated: “A man sought permission to enter upon the Messenger of Allah while I was with him, so he said: ‘What an evil son of his tribe, or brother of his tribe.’ Then he admitted him and spoke with him. When he left, I said: ‘Messenger of Allah! You said what you said about him, then you talked politely with him?’ He said: ‘Aishah! Indeed among the evilest of people are those whom the people avoid, or who the people leave, fearing his filthy speech.” (Sahih)
Hudhaifah (R.A.A.) narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Do not let yourselves be ‘yes-men’, saying: ‘If the people are good then we will be good, and if they are wrong then we will be wrong.’ Rather, make up your own minds, if the people are good then you are good, and if they are evil, then do not behave unjustly.” (Hasan)
Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: When any one of you fights with his brother he should avoid striking at the face.
Blessed Guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah on Keeping The Ties of the Ummah & Kinship:
Shaytan uses our poor behaviors amongst one another to sow discord and ultimately break our ties. We must remember that we are the Party of Allah. Our enemy is Shaytan. One of his tricks is that he has penetrated our army and is now behind our lines. Unfortunately, he is in rank with us a Munafiqoon and from places where we cannot see, as is decreed. However, he can only harm those who follow him as Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an;
“So when you recite the Qur’an, seek refuge with Allah from Shaitan (Satan), the outcast (the cursed one). Verily, he has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allah). His power is only over those who obey and follow him (Satan), and those who join partners with Him (Allah i.e., those who are Mushrikun i.e. polytheists.)
It is important for us to understand that each individual in the family are in various ranks with Allah. Whilst the Husband may be in a higher rank Physically, he may be lower in rank in Spiritually, Emotionally, or even Mentally. This variation can apply to all members of the family. As such, disagreements may naturally arise. Success can only be achieved through adhering to the Qur’an and Sunnah to curb our natural urges to discord;
Anas (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: When Allah fashioned Adam in Paradise, He left him as He liked him to leave. Then Iblis roamed round him to see what actually that was and when he found him hollow from within, he recognised that he had been created with a disposition that he would not have control over himself.
(Sahih Muslim, 6319)
It is unfortunate and all too common that the first reaction to perceived or actual injustices from those within our family unit is: flight. However, we must patiently endure any harm for the sake of upholding the ties of the Ummah and Kinship until (or if when) Allah (SWT) removes the distress either by changing our condition. Trials are good for the believer when they cause one to return to Allah (S.W.T.). Additionally, we must teach our children to endure so they can have an example by which to pass down to their children, in shaa Allah;
Narrated Az-Zubair bin ‘Adi: We went to Anas bin Malik and complained about the wrong we were suffering at the hand of Al-Hajjaj. Anas bin Malik said, “Be patient till you meet your Lord, for no time will come upon you but the time following it will be worse than it. I heard that from the Prophet.”
(Sahih Bukhari, 188)
Please remember to keep joined what Allah (S.W.T.) has commanded to be joined, fear the prayer of the oppressed persons, don’t pray for harm for those in your unit, and deal with all things through patience in prayer. May Allah (S.W.T.) grant us Tawfeeq, Allahumma Ameen. The following are hadith that stress the importance of striving together for the sake of Allah (S.W.T.):
‘A’isha, the wife of Allah’s Apostle (R.A.A.), said that whenever he had to choose between two things he adopted the easier one, provided it was nor sin, but if it was any sin he was the one who was the farthest from it of the people; and Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) never took revenge from anyone because of his personal grievance, unless what Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, had made inviolable had been violated.
Hasrat Ibn Mas’ud (R.A.A.) relates: ‘As if I am seeing the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) narrating the account of one of the Prophets of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who was assaulted and wounded by his people; while wiping the blood from the face he prayed: ‘O Allah! Forgive my people because they do not know.’
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Hazrat ‘Auf ibn Malik (R.A.A.) relates that he heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) say: Your best leaders and rulers are those whom you love and who love you (in return), and for whom you pray and who pray for you; and your worst leaders and rulers will be those whom you hate and who hate you, and whom you curse and who curse you.’ The narrator of this tradition adds: We requested: ‘O! Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) shall we not dissociate from them? He said; ‘No! So long as they establish the prayers among you, No! So long as they establish the prayers among you.’
Hazrat Ibn Umar (R.A.A.) relates that the ‘Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘It is obligatory upon a Muslim to listen and obey (the authority) whether he likes it or not; save when he is asked to do something sinful. If he is asked for a sinful act then there is no hearing and obedience.’
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Hazrat Abu Hurairah (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘You are bound to hear and obey the orders of the authority, in hardship and in ease; willingly or unwillingly, and even when you are treated unjustly.’
Hazrat Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘When I pass away you will see differentiation (bias) and such things that you will not like.’ They asked; ‘O Messenger of Allah! (S.A.W.)! Then what should we do under such circumstances?’ He answered: ‘Pay their dues which you owe them and pray to Allah for your rights.’
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Sa’id ibn ‘Abdu’l-‘Aziz from Rabi’a ibn Yazid from Abu Idris al-Khawlani from Abu Dharr Jundub ibn Junada (R.A.A.) reported from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in what is related from what Allah the Blessed and Almighty said, “O My slaves! I have forbidden injustice to Myself and I have made it unlawful between you, so do not wrong one another. O My slaves! All of you are misguided except those that I guide, so seek My guidance and I will guide you. O My slaves! All of you are hungry except those that I feed so ask me for food and I will feed you. O My slaves! All of you are naked except those that I clothe so ask me for clothing and I will clothe you. O My slaves! You make mistakes by night and by day and I forgive all wrong actions so ask for My forgiveness and I will forgive you. O My slaves! You will never attain to My harm so as to be able to harm Me and you will never attain to My benefit so as to be able benefit Me. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, possessed the heart of the most godfearing man among you, that would not increase My kingdom in any way. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, possessed the heart of the most evil man among you, that would not decrease My kingdom in any way. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, were to stand in a single place and ask of Me, I could give to every man what he asks without that decreasing what I have any more than a needle when it enters the sea. O My slaves! It is your actions for which I call you to account and then repay you in full. So anyone who finds good should praise Allah and anyone who finds something else should blame none but himself.”
Hazrat Sayeed says that while Hazrat Abu Idrees Khaulani used to narrate this tradition, he would kneel down in awe and reverence for Allah, the Almighty.
Note: Mujahida means striving and struggling for a good cause or for the sake of Allah e.g. spreading and preaching His commands: And according to Ulema this is the best kind of Jihad. According to some traditions of the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) to fight against ones own evil intentions, is the best Jihad.
(Nawawi, Vol. I, 111)
Hazrat Ibn Abbas (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: If a person notices something unpleasant in the action of a ruler he should put up with it patiently, for one who leaves the ruler by a span of hand, dies as he who died in the Pre-Islamic Period of Ignorance (i.e., as rebellious sinners).
Beneficial Duaa and Dkhir from Qur’an & Sunnah
“I seek refuge with You, lest I should go astray or be led astray, unintentionally commit a sin or be caused to do so, oppress or be treated unjustly, or wrong behavior or being behaved wrongly.” (Abu Dawud, Adab, 112.)
“O Allah, grant me the pleasure of being one who is gratified when doing good deeds and one who seeks forgiveness when sinned.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Adab 57.)
“O Allah, I seek refuge with You from opposing the truth, hypocrisy, and bad manners.” (Abu Dawud, Witr, 32,; Nasai, Istiadha, 21).
“Oh Allah, from what you give people in the form of family and wealth and children, I ask Thee for the righteous ones who neither goes astray themselves, nor deviates others.” (Tirmidhi, Da’waat 124).
“Oh Allah, create love in our hearts and good conditions and teach us the peaceful ways and lead us out of disbelief and misguidance into the light of faith– Keep us away from manifest and hidden evil ways.” (Abu Dawud, Salat 182.)
Beneficial Practices from Qur’an & Sunnah
Yahya (R.A.A) related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al−Musayyab from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry.” (Muwatta of Imam Malik Book 47, Number 47.3.12)
Narrated by Abu Dharr (R.A.A.) The Apostle of Allah (S.A.W.) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down. (Sunan Abu Dawud, 4764)
Narrated Atiyyah as−Sa’di: AbuWa’il al−Qass said (R.A.A.): We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as−Sa’di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Apostle of Allah (S.A.W.) as saying: Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution. (Sunan Abu Dawud, 4766)
Narrated Sulaiman bin Surd (R.A.): While I was sitting in the company of the Prophet, two men abused each other and the face of one of them became red with anger, and his jugular veins swelled (i.e. he became furious). On that the Prophet said, “I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: ‘I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan.’ then all is anger will go away.” Some body said to him, “The Prophet has said, ‘Seek refuge with Allah from Satan.”‘ The angry man said, “Am I mad?” (Sahih al-Bukhari 3282)
Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W.) as saying: Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the gravest lie in talk and do not be inquisitive about one another and do not spy upon one another and do not feel envy with the other, and nurse no malice, and nurse no aversion and hostility against one another. And be fellow−brothers and servants of Allah. (Sahih Muslim, 6214)
In the story of Prophet Yusuf (A.S.) we have beautiful examples of what it is to forgive and overlook. When the brothers of Yusuf (A.S.) carried out their plot of throwing him into the well then came back to their Father, Ya’qub (A.S.):
“They said: “O our father! We went racing with one another, and left Yusuf by our belongings and a wolf devoured him; but you will never believe us even when we speak the truth. And they brought his shirt stained with false blood. He (Ya’qub, A.S.) said: “Nay, but your own selves have made up a tale. So (for me) patience is most fitting. And it is Allah (Alone) Whose help can be sought against that (lie) which you describe.”(12:17-18)
At all times, especially during the most trying, we must remember our ultimate goal: a good ending with forgiveness from our Lord. The All Seeing Allah (S.W.T.) reminds us in The Qur’an:
أَفَمَا نَحْنُ بِمَيِّتِينَ إِلَّا مَوْتَتَنَا الْأُولَىٰ وَمَا نَحْنُ بِمُعَذَّبِينَ إِنَّ هَٰذَا لَهُوَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ لِمِثْلِ هَٰذَا فَلْيَعْمَلِ الْعَامِلُونَ “(The dwellers of Paradise will say) “Are we then not to die (any more)? Except our first death, and we shall not be punished? (after we have entered Paradise). Truly, this is the supreme success! For the like of this let the workers work.” (37:58-61)
Beneficial Reminders from Qur’an & Sunnah:
Some of the righteous persons before us (may Allah be pleased with them) endured some of the mightiest trials concerning their people, including their families. Here are some examples that Almighty Allah (S.W.T.) has given us to reflect and draw strength from in dealing with our families:
Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and Hagar (AS). Patience in the face of perceived injustice.
Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and his Father. No obedience if it involves sin.
Prophet Lut (AS) and his wife. Bearing patience, leaving those who insist on doing wrong, awaiting the decree of Allah (S.W.T.)
Prophet Nuh (AS) and his son and wife. Everyone whom you share ties of kinship with may not be your family in faith. Bear them with patience, give dawah, and accept the Qadr.