3:159

On Harsh-heartedness, Forgiving & Overlooking, Kindness, Upholding the Ties of Kinship, Being Patient, and Seeking Allah’s Aid for Fulfillment of Rights

Allah, the Most High, said:

إِن يَنصُرْكُمُ اللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمْ ۖ وَإِن يَخْذُلْكُمْ فَمَن ذَا الَّذِي يَنصُرُكُم مِّن بَعْدِهِ ۗ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ 

“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently.  And had you been severe and harsh hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah’s) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs.  Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)”.  

(3:159)

Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about this ayah:

Allah addresses His Messenger and reminds him and the believers of the favor that He has made his heart and words soft for his Ummah, those who follow his command and refrain from what he prohibits.

(And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) ﴿3:159﴾. meaning, who would have made you this kind, if it was not Allah’s mercy for you and them. Qatadah said that, (And by the mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently) means, “With Allah’s mercy you became this kind.” Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that this, indeed, is the description of the behavior that Allah sent Muhammad with. This Ayah is similar to Allah’s statement, (Verily, there has come unto you a Messenger from among yourselves. It grieves him that you should receive any injury or difficulty. He is anxious over you (to be rightly guided, to repent to Allah); for the believers (he is) full of pity, kind, and merciful) ﴿9:128﴾. Allah said next, (And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you;)

The severe person is he who utters harsh words, and, (harsh-hearted) is the person whose heart is hard. Had this been the Prophet’s behavior, “They would have scattered from around you. However, Allah gathered them and made you kind and soft with them, so that their hearts congregate around you.” `Abdullah bin `Amr said that he read the description of the Messenger of Allah in previous Books, “He is not severe, harsh, obscene in the marketplace or dealing evil for evil. Rather, he forgives and pardons.” 

(Tafsir Ibn Khathir)

It is important to note that this ayat was revealed whilst Prophet Muhamad (S.A.W.) was leading the battle of Uhud.  As you have read in the ayah, he (Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.) was instructed to deal gently with the believers (those who had followed him and as a consequence) who had committed themselves to wage war against the enemies of Islam amongst the Alamin (mankind and jinn and all that exists).  The Prophet (S.A.W.) was further instructed by Almighty Allah (S.W.T.) to seek the advice of those believers in the matters of their present affair (war) as their lives (although devoted to Allah) could be affected in a mighty way (i.e., capture, injury, death, etc.). 

Excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir about this ayah cont…

Concerning the battle of Uhud, the Messenger asked the Companions if they should fortify themselves in Al-Madinah or go out to meet the enemy, and the majority of them requested that they go out to meet the enemy, and he did. He also took their advice on the day of Khandaq (the Trench) about conducting a peace treaty with some of the tribes of Al-Ahzab (the Confederates), in return for giving them one-third of the fruits of Al-Madinah. However, Sa`d bin `Ubadah and Sa`d bin Mu`adh rejected this offer and the Prophet went ahead with their advice. The Prophet also asked them if they should attack the idolators on the Day of Hudaybiyyah, and Abu Bakr disagreed, saying, “We did not come here to fight anyone. Rather, we came to perform `Umrah.” The Prophet agreed.

Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A.) said that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said:  The one whom advice is sought from is to be entrusted.  

(Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi, and An-Nasa’i who graded it Hasan)

(Tafsir Ibn Khathir)

From all of the abovementioned, we see the responsibility that the leaders and rulers have to those who follow them.  On a macro level–this responsibility of gentleness (by Allah ((SWT) permission) and mutual consultation is due from government officials who have been placed in charge of constituents.  On a micro level, this trust is placed upon the leaders of the family unit starting with the Husband (Father) and downward. The latter–the family unit–is a small brigade in the larger army of Allah.  An army consisting of strong individual units place makes for a united and more effective Ummah. The following hadith shall address the family unit and how to fortify the structure to win the battle against our collective enemy–Shaytan.  

Abdullah ibn Umar (R.A.A) reported: The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W), peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”

 (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829)

When a child is born, they are born into a family unit.  Some traditional having a Father and Mother who are married and some non-traditional as in the case of orphans etc.  The state of affairs within this unit is imparative to affecting the childs Islam or lack thereof as is stated in the following hadith;

Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z Zinad from al−Araj from Abu Hurayra (R.A.A.) that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Every child is born on the fitra and it is his parents who make him a jew or a christian. Just as a camel is born whole −do you perceive any defect?” They said, “Messenger of Allah, what happens to people who die when they are (very) young?” He said, “Allah knows best what they used to do.”

(Muwatta Imam Malik, 16.16.53)

Destruction of the family unit is a lofty goal of the Shayteen as we can see in the following hadith:

Jabir (R.A.A.) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.”

(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 2813)

We as an Ummah must realize that we are under constant attack from our enemy.  He is working day and night to penetrate our ranks and destroy us. Once we realize this we can (in shaa Allah) become more accountable for our actions and how they affect those who are in rank with us.  May Allah grant us Tawfeeq to be successful in this matter. Allahumma Ameen.  

The following hadith address the family unit and provides wisdom from our beloved Nabi, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) about how this unit should be maintained for an Islamic home environment:

Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah Husbands:

Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا –

“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women).”

(4:34)

This is a role that carries heavy weight and should not be underestimated.  Being a Husband is a trust placed on one by Allah and carries tremendous benefit as is noted in this hadith:

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (R.A.A.) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” 

(Muslim, 1467)

The role of Husband is a trust from Allah (S.W.T.) and carries also tremendous consequences if abused.  Brothers seeking striving wives should first be striving for righteousness themselves so that they may fear Allah (S.W.T.) in the duties they have been entrusted.  It is important to be ready for marriage–Spiritually, Physically (including materially), Mentally, and Emotionally, before seeking a wife;

It was narrated that Abu Dharr (R.A.A.) said: I said: O Messenger of Allah, will you not appoint me (to a position of authority)? He struck me on the shoulder with his hand and said: “O Abu Dharr, you are weak and it is a trust, and on the Day of Resurrection it will be a source of humiliation and regret, except for the one who takes it and fulfils all obligations and does all duties required.”

(Muslim, 1825)

Sulaiman bin ‘Amr bin Al-Ahwas (R.A.A.) said: “My father narrated to me that he witnessed the farewell Hajj with the Messenger of Allah: So he thanked and praised Allah and he reminded and gave admonition. He mentioned a story in his narration and he (the Prophet ) said: “And indeed I order you to be good to the women, for they are but captives with you over whom you have no power other than that, except if they come with manifest Faizishah (evil behaviour). If they do that, then abandon their beds and beat them with a beating that is not harmful. And if they obey you then you have no cause against them.  Indeed you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you. As for your rights over your women, then they must not allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture) nor to admit anyone in your home that you dislike. And their rights over you are that you treat them well in clothing them and feeding them.” (Sahih)

(Jami At-Tirmidhi, 1163)

Men have a responsibility to protect the spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional state of persons under their care, especially their wives. Remembering, that the wife is the second in command after him, it would be from wisdom for him to ensure that her moral in these fundamental areas are high so that she can pass that same energy to those under her (the children).  The following hadith have been presented to serve as a reminder to the Husband to his role in his dealings with his second in command–His Wife:

Narrated Anas bin Malik (R.A.A) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) was on a journey and he had a black slave called Anjasha, and he was driving the camels (very fast, and there were women riding on those camels). Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Waihaka (May Allah be merciful to you), O Anjasha! Drive slowly (the camels) with the glass vessels (women)!”

(Al Bukhari)

Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A) narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning.” 

(Al-Tirmidhi, 1141)

Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A) reported that The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part, so treat women kindly.” 

(Al-Bukhari & Muslim)

Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Wives:

My dear sisters in Islam, one the hardest tasks (it seems) we have today lies in obeying our Husbands whilst attending to our family matters all while trying to maintain a strong relationship with Allah (SWT).  Choosing a righteous Husband is one of the keys to our success in this matter. Assuming you have done so, by the permission of Allah, it is incumbent upon you to respect and obey him in all matters that do not involve disobedience to Allah as Allah (S.W.T.) says in the Qur’an:

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا –

“…So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.”

(4:34)

My dear sisters, as a consequence of the time in which we live in–a time that there are many available men from deviant sects of Islam, who are Muslim by name but Munafiqun and Kafiroon by Aqeedah and Non-Muslim men are a danger and a harm to one’s deen.  As so, much care and appreciation needs to be given to our soldiers of Alhus Sunnah for Allah’s sake. Please keep in mind that as none of us are infallible, there may arise bad behaviors (such as characteristics of hypocrisy) within ourselves and the striving men of Ahus Sunnah.  Patience, prayer, striving to improve our own relationships with Allah is key here as we are the female slaves of The Almighty and Sublime Allah (S.W.T.) his ‘Amah.  We have a moral responsibility– Al- ‘Amanah to uphold our trusts  for His sake and His alone. May Allah forgive us and grant us Tawfeeq to be successful, Allahumma Ameen.  

Here are some hadiths that will (in shaa Allah) bring light to our moral responsibility to our Husbands; 

Musawir Al Himyari (R.A.A.) narrated that his mother said that she heard Umm Salamah (R.A.A.) say: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) say: ‘Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’ ”

(Sunan Ibn Majah)

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (R.A.A.) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.”

(Ahmad 2/251)

Blessed guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Children:

The All Hearing Allah (S.W.T.) reminds children in The Qur’an:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل 

لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.  And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.”

(17:23)

Children who take heed to parents advice remain goodly though their youth into adulthood have high rewards:

Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported: The Prophet (S.A.W.), peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but his. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet ,and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying ,’I fear Allah,’ one spends in charity and conceals it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.”

(Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 629)

It is important for children to understand that their role in the family unit is important.  Children can be a source of blessing and trial for their parents and siblings. They can be blessings when they act righteously, are obedient, and dutiful to their parents as Allah (S.W.T.) has commanded in the Qur’an:

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا – 

“Worship Allah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Maskin (the needy), the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess.  Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful.”

(4:36)

Here are some beneficial hadith to serve as a reminder to the youth of the Ummah of their parents rights over them:

Mu’awiyah ibn Jahima (R.A.A.)reported: Jahima came to the Prophet (S.A.W.) and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, I intend to join the expedition and I seek your counsel.” The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”

(Sunan An Nasa’i, 3104)

Bahz bin Hakim (R.A.A.) narrated from his father, from his grandfather who said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! (S.A.W.) Who most deserves (my) reverence?’  He said: ‘Your mother.’” He said: “I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Your mother.’” He said: ‘I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Your mother.’ He said: ‘I said: ‘Then who?’ He said: ‘Then your father, then the nearest relatives, then the nearest relatives.’” (Hasan)

(Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, 1897)

Abu Salamah As-Sulami (R.A.A.) said that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said: “I enjoin each one to honor his mother, I enjoin each one to honor his mother, I enjoin each one to honor his mother (three times), I enjoin each one to honor his father, I enjoin each one to honor his guardian who is taking care of him, even if he is causing him some annoyance. (Hasan)

(Sunan Ibn Majah, 3657)

‘Abdur-Rahman bin Abi Bakrah (R.A.A.) narrated from his father who said: “The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) said: ‘Shall I not tell you of the biggest of the major sins?’  They said: ‘Of course! O Messenger of Allah!’ He said: “To join partners with Allah, and disobeying one’s parents.’” He said: “He (S.A.W) sat up, and he had been reclining.  He said” ‘And false testimony, or false speech.’ And the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) would not stop saying it until we said (to ourselves): ‘I wish that he would stop.’” (Sahih)

(Jami At-Tirmidi, 1901)

Blessed Guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah to Parents:

If wives are like prisoners with the Husbands, imagine the level of imprisonment a child might feel.  They are smaller, helpless, and new to dunya and all of its harms. As parents, we can sometimes get so busy in the matter of seeking provision that we may neglect the mental and emotional needs of the believers who follow us (our children).  Allah (S.W.T.) tells us in the Qur’an:

وَاخْفِضْ جَنَاحَكَ لِمَنِ اتَّبَعَكَ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ 

فَإِنْ عَصَوْكَ فَقُلْ إِنِّي بَرِيءٌ مِّمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ 

“And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you.  Then if they disobey you, say: “I am innocent of what you do.”

(26:215)

Here are some recommendations for the treatment of children under our care:

  • Always listen and decide justly between siblings as to eliminate / decrease enmity within the hearts.
  • Be affectionate, caring, and kind.
  • Consider their feelings and solicit their advice. The concept of “Buy-In” is the idea that soliciting advice in matters allows for all those involved (particularly those who are being led) to have a say in what happens and how.  Just the mere act of them participating in decision making makes them “Buy-In” to the cause, whatever it may be and feel a sense of responsibility to be active in the process. Many children live under dictatorship rule and offer turn to negative ways to vent frustration.  The Qur’an has given us a solution to overcome this by mutual consultation.  
  • Look for “teachable moments”.  Most parents know what it feels to be annoyed by their children. This is a very normal feeling.  However, how we deal with this annoyance has the ability to raise our rank with Allah if we use these moments for Ibada.  During these moments of annoyance with our children we can curb our anger by seeking refuge with Allah (SWT) and teaching our children the proper ways of behavior in a calm, loving voice.  Our children will appreciate these moments to be understood and taught and (in shaa Allah) we may be counted amongst the good doers for our striving. Allahumma Ameen.  

In shaa Allah these beneficial hadith will help us in addressing these ways in a way that will satisfy these needs which will in turn strengthen the soldiers of Allah who follow us:

Hazrat Abdullah ibn ‘Amr bin Al’Aas (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: The just and fair persons (rulers and judges) will be seated on chairs of light before Allah.  Such persons are those who decide justly in matters relating to their families and other affairs entrusted to them.  

(Muslim)

It was narrated that ‘Aishah (R.A.A.) said: “Some Bedouin people came to the Prophet (S.A.W) and said: ‘Do you kiss your children?’ He said: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘But we, by Allah never kiss (our children).’  The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘What can I do if Allah has taken away mercy from you?” (Sahih)

(Sunan Ibn Majah, 3665)

Narrated Anas ibn Malik (R.A.A.) I served the Prophet (S.A.W.) at Medina for ten years. I was a boy.  Every work that I did was not according to the desire of my

master, but he never said to me: Fie, nor did he say to me: Why did you do this? or Why did you not do this?

(Sunan Abu Dawud, 4756)

Aisha (R.A.A.) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, never struck anything with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, unless he was fighting in the way of Allah. (Sahih)

(Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2328)

Hazrat Ayesha (R.A.A.) relates that she heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) while staying in her house saying: O Allah! When a person who is placed in authority over my Umma (people) is strict with them, be Thou strict with him, and when such a person is kind on them, be Thou kind on him.’

(Muslim)

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (R.A.A.) says that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W) said to Ashajj Abd al-Qais: ‘You have two qualities which Allah, the Most Exalted, likes and loves: One is mildness and the other is toleration”.

(Muslim)

Blessed Guidance from The Qur’an & Sunnah to Siblings:

Siblings have a responsibility to ensure that they do their best to promote a loving environment at home by speaking kindly to one another and avoid fighting.  We must remember that making peace between our brothers and sisters is what Allah, The All Wise, recommends. As The Sublime Allah (S.W.T.) says in The Qur’an;

وَإِن طَائِفَتَانِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ اقْتَتَلُوا فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَهُمَا ۖ فَإِن بَغَتْ إِحْدَاهُمَا عَلَى الْأُخْرَىٰ فَقَاتِلُوا الَّتِي تَبْغِي حَتَّىٰ تَفِيءَ إِلَىٰ أَمْرِ اللَّهِ ۚ 

فَإِن فَاءَتْ فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَهُمَا بِالْعَدْلِ وَأَقْسِطُوا ۖ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ – 

“And if two parties or groups among the believers fall to fighting, then make peace between them both.  But if one of them outrages against the other, then fight you (all) against the one which outrages till it complies with the Command of Allah.  Then if it complies, then make reconciliation between them justly, and be equitable, Verily, Allah loves those who are equitable.  

(49:9)

Hazrat Ayesha (R.A.A.) says that she heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) as saying: ‘A believer can achieve the position of one who regularly fasts during the day and spends the night in prayer, through his good manners.’

(Abu Daud)

Ibn Abass (R.A.A.) narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W.) said; do not argue with your brother, do not joke with him, and do not make a promise only not to fulfill it.  (Da’if)

(At-Tirmidi, 1995)

Aishah (R.A.A.) narrated: “A man sought permission to enter upon the Messenger of Allah while I was with him, so he said: ‘What an evil son of his tribe, or brother of his tribe.’ Then he admitted him and spoke with him. When he left, I said: ‘Messenger of Allah! You said what you said about him, then you talked politely with him?’ He said: ‘Aishah! Indeed among the evilest of people are those whom the people avoid, or who the people leave, fearing his filthy speech.” (Sahih)

(At-Tirmidi, 1995)

Hudhaifah (R.A.A.) narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Do not let yourselves be ‘yes-men’, saying: ‘If the people are good then we will be good, and if they are wrong then we will be wrong.’  Rather, make up your own minds, if the people are good then you are good, and if they are evil, then do not behave unjustly.” (Hasan)

(At-Tirmidi, 2007)

Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: When any one of you fights with his brother he should avoid striking at the face.

(Muslim, 6321)

Blessed Guidance from the Qur’an & Sunnah on Keeping The Ties of the Ummah & Kinship:

Shaytan uses our poor behaviors amongst one another to sow discord and ultimately break our ties.  We must remember that we are the Party of Allah. Our enemy is Shaytan. One of his tricks is that he has penetrated our army and is now behind our lines.  Unfortunately, he is in rank with us a Munafiqoon and from places where we cannot see, as is decreed. However, he can only harm those who follow him as Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an;

فَإِذَا قَرَأْتَ الْقُرْآنَ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ – 

إِنَّهُ لَيْسَ لَهُ سُلْطَانٌ عَلَى الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَلَىٰ رَبِّهِمْ يَتَوَكَّلُونَ إِنَّمَا سُلْطَانُهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ يَتَوَلَّوْنَهُ وَالَّذِينَ هُم بِهِ مُشْرِكُونَ 

“So when you recite the Qur’an, seek refuge with Allah from Shaitan (Satan), the outcast (the cursed one).  Verily, he has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allah). His power is only over those who obey and follow him (Satan), and those who join partners with Him (Allah i.e., those who are Mushrikun i.e. polytheists.)

(16:98-100)

It is important for us to understand that each individual in the family are in various ranks with Allah.  Whilst the Husband may be in a higher rank Physically, he may be lower in rank in Spiritually, Emotionally, or even Mentally.  This variation can apply to all members of the family. As such, disagreements may naturally arise. Success can only be achieved through adhering to the Qur’an and Sunnah to curb our natural urges to discord;

Anas (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: When Allah fashioned Adam in Paradise, He left him as He liked him to leave. Then Iblis roamed round him to see what actually that was and when he found him hollow from within, he recognised that he had been created with a disposition that he would not have control over himself.

(Sahih Muslim, 6319)

It is unfortunate and all too common that the first reaction to perceived or actual injustices from those within our family unit is: flight.  However, we must patiently endure any harm for the sake of upholding the ties of the Ummah and Kinship until (or if when) Allah (SWT) removes the distress either by changing our condition.  Trials are good for the believer when they cause one to return to Allah (S.W.T.). Additionally, we must teach our children to endure so they can have an example by which to pass down to their children, in shaa Allah;

Narrated Az-Zubair bin ‘Adi:  We went to Anas bin Malik and complained about the wrong we were suffering at the hand of Al-Hajjaj. Anas bin Malik said, “Be patient till you meet your Lord, for no time will come upon you but the time following it will be worse than it. I heard that from the Prophet.”

(Sahih Bukhari, 188)

Please remember to keep joined what Allah (S.W.T.) has commanded to be joined, fear the prayer of the oppressed persons, don’t pray for harm for those in your unit, and deal with all things through patience in prayer.  May Allah (S.W.T.) grant us Tawfeeq, Allahumma Ameen. The following are hadith that stress the importance of striving together for the sake of Allah (S.W.T.):  

‘A’isha, the wife of Allah’s Apostle (R.A.A.), said that whenever he had to choose between two things he adopted the easier one, provided it was nor sin, but if it was any sin he was the one who was the farthest from it of the people; and Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) never took revenge from anyone because of his personal grievance, unless what Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, had made inviolable had been violated.

(Muslim 5752)

Hasrat Ibn Mas’ud (R.A.A.) relates: ‘As if I am seeing the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) narrating the account of one of the Prophets of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who was assaulted and wounded by his people; while wiping the blood from the face he prayed: ‘O Allah! Forgive my people because they do not know.’

(Bukhari and Muslim)

Hazrat ‘Auf ibn Malik (R.A.A.) relates that he heard the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) say: Your best leaders and rulers are those whom you love and who love you (in return), and for whom you pray and who pray for you; and your worst leaders and rulers will be those whom you hate and who hate you, and whom you curse and who curse you.’  The narrator of this tradition adds: We requested: ‘O! Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) shall we not dissociate from them? He said; ‘No! So long as they establish the prayers among you, No! So long as they establish the prayers among you.’

(Muslim)

Hazrat Ibn Umar (R.A.A.) relates that the ‘Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘It is obligatory upon a Muslim to listen and obey (the authority) whether he likes it or not; save when he is asked to do something sinful.  If he is asked for a sinful act then there is no hearing and obedience.’

(Bukhari and Muslim)

Hazrat Abu Hurairah (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘You are bound to hear and obey the orders of the authority, in hardship and in ease; willingly or unwillingly, and even when you are treated unjustly.’

(Muslim)

Hazrat Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘When I pass away you will see differentiation (bias) and such things that you will not like.’  They asked; ‘O Messenger of Allah! (S.A.W.)! Then what should we do under such circumstances?’ He answered: ‘Pay their dues which you owe them and pray to Allah for your rights.’

(Bukhari and Muslim)

Sa’id ibn ‘Abdu’l-‘Aziz from Rabi’a ibn Yazid from Abu Idris al-Khawlani from Abu Dharr Jundub ibn Junada (R.A.A.) reported from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in what is related from what Allah the Blessed and Almighty said, “O My slaves! I have forbidden injustice to Myself and I have made it unlawful between you, so do not wrong one another. O My slaves! All of you are misguided except those that I guide, so seek My guidance and I will guide you. O My slaves! All of you are hungry except those that I feed so ask me for food and I will feed you. O My slaves! All of you are naked except those that I clothe so ask me for clothing and I will clothe you. O My slaves! You make mistakes by night and by day and I forgive all wrong actions so ask for My forgiveness and I will forgive you. O My slaves! You will never attain to My harm so as to be able to harm Me and you will never attain to My benefit so as to be able benefit Me. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, possessed the heart of the most godfearing man among you, that would not increase My kingdom in any way. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, possessed the heart of the most evil man among you, that would not decrease My kingdom in any way. O My slaves! If the first and last of you, all the jinn and all the men among you, were to stand in a single place and ask of Me, I could give to every man what he asks without that decreasing what I have any more than a needle when it enters the sea. O My slaves! It is your actions for which I call you to account and then repay you in full. So anyone who finds good should praise Allah and anyone who finds something else should blame none but himself.”  

Hazrat Sayeed says that while Hazrat Abu Idrees Khaulani used to narrate this tradition, he would kneel down in awe and reverence for Allah, the Almighty.  

Note: Mujahida means striving and struggling for a good cause or for the sake of    Allah e.g. spreading and preaching His commands: And according to Ulema this is the best kind of Jihad.  According to some traditions of the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) to fight against ones own evil intentions, is the best Jihad.  

(Nawawi, Vol. I, 111)

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (R.A.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said: If a person notices something unpleasant in the action of a ruler he should put up with it patiently, for one who leaves the ruler by a span of hand, dies as he who died in the Pre-Islamic Period of Ignorance (i.e., as rebellious sinners).

(Bukhari, 176)

Beneficial Duaa and Dkhir from Qur’an & Sunnah

“I seek refuge with You, lest I should go astray or be led astray, unintentionally commit a sin or be caused to do so, oppress or be treated unjustly, or wrong behavior or being behaved wrongly.”
(Abu Dawud, Adab, 112.)

“O Allah, grant me the pleasure of being one who is gratified when doing good deeds and one who seeks forgiveness when sinned.”
(Sunan Ibn Majah, Adab 57.)


“O Allah, I seek refuge with You from opposing the truth, hypocrisy, and bad manners.”
(Abu Dawud, Witr, 32,; Nasai, Istiadha, 21).

“Oh Allah, from what you give people in the form of family and wealth and children, I ask Thee for the righteous ones who neither goes astray themselves, nor deviates others.”
(Tirmidhi, Da’waat 124).

“Oh Allah, create love in our hearts and good conditions and teach us the peaceful ways and lead us out of disbelief and misguidance into the light of faith– Keep us away from manifest and hidden evil ways.”
(Abu Dawud, Salat 182.)

Beneficial Practices from Qur’an & Sunnah

Yahya (R.A.A) related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al−Musayyab from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry.”
(Muwatta of Imam Malik Book 47, Number 47.3.12)


Narrated by Abu Dharr (R.A.A.) The Apostle of Allah (S.A.W.) said to us: When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.
(Sunan Abu Dawud, 4764)

Narrated Atiyyah as−Sa’di: AbuWa’il al−Qass said (R.A.A.): We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as−Sa’di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Apostle of Allah (S.A.W.) as saying: Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.
(Sunan Abu Dawud, 4766)

Narrated Sulaiman bin Surd (R.A.):
While I was sitting in the company of the Prophet, two men abused each other and the face of one of them became red with anger, and his jugular veins swelled (i.e. he became furious). On that the Prophet said, “I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says: ‘I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan.’ then all is anger will go away.” Some body said to him, “The Prophet has said, ‘Seek refuge with Allah from Satan.”‘ The angry man said, “Am I mad?”
(Sahih al-Bukhari 3282)

Abu Huraira (R.A.A.) reported Allah’s Messenger (S.A.W.) as saying: Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the gravest lie in talk and do not be inquisitive about one another and do not spy upon one another and do not feel envy with the other, and nurse no malice, and nurse no aversion and hostility against one another. And be fellow−brothers and servants of Allah.
(Sahih Muslim, 6214)


In the story of Prophet Yusuf (A.S.) we have beautiful examples of what it is to forgive and overlook.  When the brothers of Yusuf (A.S.) carried out their plot of throwing him into the well then came back to their Father, Ya’qub (A.S.):

قَالُوا يَا أَبَانَا إِنَّا ذَهَبْنَا نَسْتَبِقُ وَتَرَكْنَا يُوسُفَ عِندَ مَتَاعِنَا فَأَكَلَهُ الذِّئْبُ ۖ وَمَا أَنتَ بِمُؤْمِنٍ لَّنَا وَلَوْ كُنَّا صَادِقِينَ وَجَاءُوا عَلَىٰ قَمِيصِهِ بِدَمٍ كَذِبٍ ۚ قَالَ بَلْ سَوَّلَتْ لَكُمْ أَنفُسُكُمْ أَمْرًا ۖ فَصَبْرٌ جَمِيلٌ ۖ وَاللَّهُ الْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ 

“They said: “O our father!  We went racing with one another, and left Yusuf by our belongings and a wolf devoured him; but you will never believe us even when we speak the truth.  And they brought his shirt stained with false blood. He (Ya’qub, A.S.) said: “Nay, but your own selves have made up a tale. So (for me) patience is most fitting.  And it is Allah (Alone) Whose help can be sought against that (lie) which you describe.”(12:17-18)


At all times, especially during the most trying, we must remember our ultimate goal: a good ending with forgiveness from our Lord.  The All Seeing Allah (S.W.T.) reminds us in The Qur’an:

أَفَمَا نَحْنُ بِمَيِّتِينَ إِلَّا مَوْتَتَنَا الْأُولَىٰ وَمَا نَحْنُ بِمُعَذَّبِينَ إِنَّ هَٰذَا لَهُوَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ لِمِثْلِ هَٰذَا فَلْيَعْمَلِ الْعَامِلُونَ 
“(The dwellers of Paradise will say) “Are we then not to die (any more)?  Except our first death, and we shall not be punished? (after we have entered Paradise).  Truly, this is the supreme success! For the like of this let the workers work.”
(37:58-61)

Beneficial Reminders from Qur’an & Sunnah:

Some of the righteous persons before us (may Allah be pleased with them) endured some of the mightiest trials concerning their people, including their families.  Here are some examples that Almighty Allah (S.W.T.) has given us to reflect and draw strength from in dealing with our families:

Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and Hagar (AS). Patience in the face of perceived injustice.

Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and his Father. No obedience if it involves sin.

Prophet Lut (AS) and his wife. Bearing patience, leaving those who insist on doing wrong, awaiting the decree of Allah (S.W.T.)

Prophet Nuh (AS) and his son and wife. Everyone whom you share ties of kinship with may not be your family in faith.  Bear them with patience, give dawah, and accept the Qadr.  

Published by Umm Nadia Taliah Muhammad

Striving to be a faithful servant of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَ. Mother of six. Forever a student, In shaa Allah- in the areas of Qur'an, Sunnah, and Islamic Herbal Herbal Medicine.

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